Personal Boundaries? (Posted on September 2, 2019)


Boundaries are an issue if you struggle with BPD. You basically have none. You can ruin yourself to please another, and ruin another in an attempt to save yourself in the same day, all due to not understanding your own boundaries or sticking to them





I took a communications course back in 08 and during it, the topic I struggled the most on understanding was personal boundaries. I understood the concept of others having limitations towards others, and one needing the ability to respect this, but I had not difficultly expressing my limits to other’s so they could respect my boundaries. I always act like I had none.
In this article from positivepsychology.com. It talks all about Boundaries as well.
Setting boundaries is an important part of establishing one’s identity and is a crucial aspect of mental health and well-being.
With out a set of boundaries for yourself you will lose yourself, and with out understanding other’s boundaries you will push them away. We need to know our limits & needs and how to care for them and let others know how to care for them assertively while respecting other’s needs and limits. By doing this you are able to grow a relationship with yourself and others.
Healthy boundaries are a crucial component of self-care. That’s because “in work or in our personal relationships, poor boundaries lead to resentment, anger, and burnout” (Nelson, 2016).
This is the part that as someone with BPD I struggle the most with. Resentment. I resentment my self for trying to be someone I am not to please someone to ease my fear of abandonment to the point I can’t handle it, I split and resent the person I am trying to please and prevent from leaving (even if there is no threat of them leaving) and make the issue worse, having to try harder to please them creating a vicious cycle. Respecting my boundaries and checking in on myself a couple times a day allows me to ask myself if “I am okay?”, “Do I need to take a breather?”, “Do I want to actually do this?” etc. This helps me to know when I need something and either do it, or ask assertively for help.
When the splitting has already happened and the resentment cycle has gotten to far, there becomes a tower of guilt and shame that builds up on top of it all. These are more aspects of the internal pain a person with BPD deals with daily. Having healthy boundaries can help break these cycles and alleviate the suffering. Once you start to feel better about how you are doing, you feel better about yourself, then others start to notice and a new positive cycle will start. This is the goal. In the article, there are links to worksheets you can do to help learn how to start having healthy boundaries for yourself, and towards others.
Check-in with yourself more often, are asking yourself “what do I need right now?”, “Do I want to go?” and if you need something to figure out the healthiest solution, and if you don’t want to go, politely decline with no excuses. Take care of your needs, and you will notice the difference in many areas of your life.
Being able to say “No” is a necessary ingredient in a healthy lifestyle. ― David W. Earle
HTTPS://SEPITAJIMA.COM/SET-HEALTHY-BOUNDARIES-QUOTES/
Have a great day asking yourself the right questions, and remember you can’t pour from an empty kettle. Take care of you.

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